Looking out for a hero
As a little girl i watched countless films and cartoons and read fairy tales about strong, confident men saving the female leads from wicked witches, dark wizards, jealous stepmothers and all kinds of evil and treachery. I could look back at these stories and scoff at the weak portrayal of femininity and the old fashioned notion that these men, these heroes, will come and save us from whatever darkness is threatening.
I've read blogs and features about how we're spoonfed these ideals to brain-wash women into thinking that they are the weaker sex... however, i don't really buy into that. Our society doesn't look favourably on that ideology and I certainly don't think that the young women of generations to come will take ANY kind of sexism lying down. So dissecting fairytales and their underlying themes, well... that is not my pressing concern.
What i can say about it though, is that some part of it did seep into my brain and stick there. Not so much the part about the 'weaker sex', just the part about heroism and romantic idealistic situations where men would step in and try to 'save' the heroines in their lives.
In love, I think that romantic gestures are everything. Not roses all over my bedroom or knights on white steeds in shiny armour to whisk me away, but a more realistic expectation that... even when it gets tough, men will fight for what they believe in and the people they love. In this day and age, it's unlikely to be dragons or wicked stepmothers that are the problem. Not always, but mostly. It's more likely to be something a lot more mundane but nevertheless these minor issues can still warrant a bit of heroism. right? If I argue with a boyfriend and he is in the wrong... is it childish and impractical of me to think that he might arrive at my door unbidden and apologise? Saying sorry if you've been a twat, or standing up for your girl if someone else is upsetting her, or driving to the airport in a last ditch attempt to stop her from leaving your life forever (sorry i think i got sidetracked by some mental romantic film montage there) is modern day heroism. It's simple to do, so why does it happen so infrequently??
I fantasise (and it has NEVER been proven in reality) that if I give my heart to someone and they hurt me (even in a very minor way), that they will turn up and face the music - they'll fight to fix it and win backmy affection. Similarly I have to say that, if I have been a twat (which almost never happens - ha) then i should make an equal effort to make it ok. It's probably ridiculous and it has clearly not been helped by my addiction to romance (as aformentioned in my previous blog on 'Romantic film abusers anonymous'), but if i'm upset at a guy, he could make a LOT of amends by just turning up on my doorstep, telling me from the heart that I matter to him and that he wants to fix it. Call me sad if you like, but there it is.
I may be alone in this, but as independent as I am, sometimes I just want someone to show me with a gesture that they mean business. Surely everyone wants to feel like that?? I blame Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. They were all classy broads capable of getting stuff done independently (at least they are in my head) but when the shit hit the fan, they all needed a prince charming to to kiss them better. That is the long lasting effect of being told fairytales. I'm impressionable even now, but my mind didn't stand a chance against that rose-tinted vision of utopia as a child.
I could go even further into the depths of my twisted and fanastical brain and bring out the big guns... my love for superheroes and all things of a 'super' nature. I will try to keep it to a minimum though. Superheroes represent (to me) a type of man who is strong, courageous and inherently good. They face up to bad situations and always give 100%. On the down side though, they usually have some pretty tragic love lives since love appears to detract from them being 'super', so i won't continue with this train of thought.
Even the most fiercely independent women, when they fall in love, want to relinquish some of that control to their other half. It's kind of that handing over of control that seals the deal in the first place. To love someone, they have to have a bit of you and you a bit of them, right? In this day and age, it seems to me that men have lost their heroism. If a girl is gutsy and strong, she doesnt deserve the big romantic gesture.
Hey! Am I being punished for being able to look after myself? That sucks!
Huge amounts of sucking.
Or... there could be another answer to all this. Maybe, as strong independent women (Beyonce style - throw your hands up at meeee-eee) we need to let men take the lead sometimes. To BE that hero that we so want them to be. Maybe men think that we actually don't need them to be that strong character in our lives since we have so much strength of our own. Maybe we need to let them know that we'd like them to make the kind of gestures that make us feel all girly.
*sigh*
I guess, the lesson is that fairytales are just that. They're stories. There's romance in the smallest of things if that's how you choose to see it. Yes, we need a bit of grandeur in the way that someone chooses to show you they care at times, but appreciating it when someone unloads your dishwasher and tidies your flat before you come home, or asks you if you want a cup of tea and a hug when you have had a hard day at the office, is just as important.
I am always going to have a little part of me that's looking for a hero - i can't pretend any different. What's important is recognising the little heroic things that shine through when you least expect it.
Heroes these days don't tend to wear lycra, pants on the outside of their trousers, or masks while they go about their heroic deeds... but it doesn't make their kindness and their sincerity any less real. In fact, in many ways, i'd go so far as to say that i'm GLAD that reality isn't like that. Most men cant pull off tights either, so it's a win-win situation all round.
Fairytales and Superheroes are a ridiculous standard to set. If i was to set the bar at 'Prince Charming' i'd be single for life or eternally disappointed in what life had to offer. What i took away from it all was that i'd like a man who is a man. I don't need a castle or a glass slipper... I just want someone who fights in my corner regardless of the fact that i can look after myself.
Grand gestures don't have to be grand at all, but being man enough to show that you care makes you as charming as that Prince Charming dude could ever hope to be.
<3 Foof
I've read blogs and features about how we're spoonfed these ideals to brain-wash women into thinking that they are the weaker sex... however, i don't really buy into that. Our society doesn't look favourably on that ideology and I certainly don't think that the young women of generations to come will take ANY kind of sexism lying down. So dissecting fairytales and their underlying themes, well... that is not my pressing concern.
What i can say about it though, is that some part of it did seep into my brain and stick there. Not so much the part about the 'weaker sex', just the part about heroism and romantic idealistic situations where men would step in and try to 'save' the heroines in their lives.
In love, I think that romantic gestures are everything. Not roses all over my bedroom or knights on white steeds in shiny armour to whisk me away, but a more realistic expectation that... even when it gets tough, men will fight for what they believe in and the people they love. In this day and age, it's unlikely to be dragons or wicked stepmothers that are the problem. Not always, but mostly. It's more likely to be something a lot more mundane but nevertheless these minor issues can still warrant a bit of heroism. right? If I argue with a boyfriend and he is in the wrong... is it childish and impractical of me to think that he might arrive at my door unbidden and apologise? Saying sorry if you've been a twat, or standing up for your girl if someone else is upsetting her, or driving to the airport in a last ditch attempt to stop her from leaving your life forever (sorry i think i got sidetracked by some mental romantic film montage there) is modern day heroism. It's simple to do, so why does it happen so infrequently??
I fantasise (and it has NEVER been proven in reality) that if I give my heart to someone and they hurt me (even in a very minor way), that they will turn up and face the music - they'll fight to fix it and win backmy affection. Similarly I have to say that, if I have been a twat (which almost never happens - ha) then i should make an equal effort to make it ok. It's probably ridiculous and it has clearly not been helped by my addiction to romance (as aformentioned in my previous blog on 'Romantic film abusers anonymous'), but if i'm upset at a guy, he could make a LOT of amends by just turning up on my doorstep, telling me from the heart that I matter to him and that he wants to fix it. Call me sad if you like, but there it is.
I may be alone in this, but as independent as I am, sometimes I just want someone to show me with a gesture that they mean business. Surely everyone wants to feel like that?? I blame Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. They were all classy broads capable of getting stuff done independently (at least they are in my head) but when the shit hit the fan, they all needed a prince charming to to kiss them better. That is the long lasting effect of being told fairytales. I'm impressionable even now, but my mind didn't stand a chance against that rose-tinted vision of utopia as a child.
I could go even further into the depths of my twisted and fanastical brain and bring out the big guns... my love for superheroes and all things of a 'super' nature. I will try to keep it to a minimum though. Superheroes represent (to me) a type of man who is strong, courageous and inherently good. They face up to bad situations and always give 100%. On the down side though, they usually have some pretty tragic love lives since love appears to detract from them being 'super', so i won't continue with this train of thought.
Even the most fiercely independent women, when they fall in love, want to relinquish some of that control to their other half. It's kind of that handing over of control that seals the deal in the first place. To love someone, they have to have a bit of you and you a bit of them, right? In this day and age, it seems to me that men have lost their heroism. If a girl is gutsy and strong, she doesnt deserve the big romantic gesture.
Hey! Am I being punished for being able to look after myself? That sucks!
Huge amounts of sucking.
Or... there could be another answer to all this. Maybe, as strong independent women (Beyonce style - throw your hands up at meeee-eee) we need to let men take the lead sometimes. To BE that hero that we so want them to be. Maybe men think that we actually don't need them to be that strong character in our lives since we have so much strength of our own. Maybe we need to let them know that we'd like them to make the kind of gestures that make us feel all girly.
*sigh*
I guess, the lesson is that fairytales are just that. They're stories. There's romance in the smallest of things if that's how you choose to see it. Yes, we need a bit of grandeur in the way that someone chooses to show you they care at times, but appreciating it when someone unloads your dishwasher and tidies your flat before you come home, or asks you if you want a cup of tea and a hug when you have had a hard day at the office, is just as important.
I am always going to have a little part of me that's looking for a hero - i can't pretend any different. What's important is recognising the little heroic things that shine through when you least expect it.
Heroes these days don't tend to wear lycra, pants on the outside of their trousers, or masks while they go about their heroic deeds... but it doesn't make their kindness and their sincerity any less real. In fact, in many ways, i'd go so far as to say that i'm GLAD that reality isn't like that. Most men cant pull off tights either, so it's a win-win situation all round.
Fairytales and Superheroes are a ridiculous standard to set. If i was to set the bar at 'Prince Charming' i'd be single for life or eternally disappointed in what life had to offer. What i took away from it all was that i'd like a man who is a man. I don't need a castle or a glass slipper... I just want someone who fights in my corner regardless of the fact that i can look after myself.
Grand gestures don't have to be grand at all, but being man enough to show that you care makes you as charming as that Prince Charming dude could ever hope to be.
<3 Foof
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