Friendly Fires...
Have you ever stopped to think that there is potentially a huge difference between people who you THINK are your friends, and the ones who truly are there for you no matter what?
Most people choose not to notice. It's not something that we want to have our eyes opened up to - how many people aren't as close as we first imagined them to be. What a bloody depressing thought, but, hear me out.
There are certain characteristics of true friendship that we all agree on... Friends you can get angry with and they don't mind but who crucially, can get angry at you too.Who will never judge you, no matter what idiocy you get involved in next. They know your favourite song isn't really 'Hallelujah' by Jeff Buckley... it's Steps '5,6,7,8' but they never tell anyone or make fun of you. At least never in earshot of anyone who would let your secret out.
More than that though, what makes each friendship special is entirely personal to those two people. There are no two friendships alike - like snowflakes! Whether it's shared experiences, differing opinions or a love-to-hate-you banter that keeps the friendship home fires burning... it's a one off experience unlike any other. When you think about friendship like that, it becomes really wonderful. Something that should always be cherished.
I'm lucky to have a couple of people who know every single bad move I've ever made and who still think i'm great. Lucky for them, the feeling is 100% mutual.
The hard part... and it's something that only really dawns on you after a long time of ignoring the obvious signs... is when someone you really care about doesn't hold you in the same high regard.
You can ignore it for a while. You brush it off and tell yourself that they are just busy in their hectic life. Maybe they really are too busy to squeeze you in.
Some people truly do live their lives like that, cramming people into every corner and every inch of their weekly schedule... but mostly, that's not the case. Sooner or later, reality seeps in.
The truth is, there's a hierarchy, a frienderarchy. A pecking order, if you will.
Not only does it exist but frankly my dear... they just don't give enough of a damn about you to reply to that text you sent last week.
Don't try to deny it - you know it because you have a hierarchy of your very own. Yes, you do!
and... before you get too high and mighty, we are all guilty of being both the offender, and the offendee.
Everyone has those people in their lives who you always reply to as soon as they get in touch. They're the ones so close that they divulge secrets to you that you'd probably sooner not know, but who you love dearly regardless.
These are the people who you'd call in the middle of the night when something truly awful happens. They are at the top of the food chain. In your eyes, they are the cream of the crop, the shiniest stars in your sky.
Then you have the friends who you love, but who aren't QUITE as close to the inner workings of your crazy mind... who don't know every dark secret, but still know enough to incriminate you in a court of law.
You probably wouldn't call these friends in the middle of a crisis... but you would definitely speak to them the next day. They are your B plus students in the school of friendship.
The next tier probably don't know many of your secrets at all, but they're hellova fun on a night out... and so it goes on.
If you were at the top of the hierarchy, you'd know. We're just not honest about it and as a consequence, people get hurt when they realise that they aren't as high up as they thought they were.Or when they find out that the place that they sit in on your hierarchy, is lower than your position on theirs - You only rated them 3*** and they gave you the full 5***** Madonna treatment.
The other important thing to know, is that your position on the chain is not permanent. Some frienderarchies change every month. Others stay relatively static. However, it is possible to get knocked off the top spot and sometimes it's not immediately obvious that this has happened.
It's a tough lesson. There is a little part of you that never recovers from the fickle inequality of social standings.
It chews you up, spits you out and can definitely cause some permanent emotional scarring if you let it.
What it does teach you though, is hugely valuable - Don't take the real friends for granted and lose yourself in a sea of people who don't give you the 5 star rating you deserve.
Keep those friends close and tell them how much they mean to you...because life is short and we waste a lot of it trying to impress people who will never give as much as they take.
You are lucky to have people in your life who love you and you should cherish them always.
Alternatively... if you don't fancy cherishing your mates and you are in full on self destruct mode ready to throw your friendships on the proverbial bonfire, at least have the decency to do it on national television with a braying audience and a smug chat show host throwing insults at you. (Jeremy Kyle anyone?)
As the big man Jerry Springer himself used to say... "Look after yourselves... and each other."
Most people choose not to notice. It's not something that we want to have our eyes opened up to - how many people aren't as close as we first imagined them to be. What a bloody depressing thought, but, hear me out.
There are certain characteristics of true friendship that we all agree on... Friends you can get angry with and they don't mind but who crucially, can get angry at you too.Who will never judge you, no matter what idiocy you get involved in next. They know your favourite song isn't really 'Hallelujah' by Jeff Buckley... it's Steps '5,6,7,8' but they never tell anyone or make fun of you. At least never in earshot of anyone who would let your secret out.
More than that though, what makes each friendship special is entirely personal to those two people. There are no two friendships alike - like snowflakes! Whether it's shared experiences, differing opinions or a love-to-hate-you banter that keeps the friendship home fires burning... it's a one off experience unlike any other. When you think about friendship like that, it becomes really wonderful. Something that should always be cherished.
I'm lucky to have a couple of people who know every single bad move I've ever made and who still think i'm great. Lucky for them, the feeling is 100% mutual.
The hard part... and it's something that only really dawns on you after a long time of ignoring the obvious signs... is when someone you really care about doesn't hold you in the same high regard.
You can ignore it for a while. You brush it off and tell yourself that they are just busy in their hectic life. Maybe they really are too busy to squeeze you in.
Some people truly do live their lives like that, cramming people into every corner and every inch of their weekly schedule... but mostly, that's not the case. Sooner or later, reality seeps in.
The truth is, there's a hierarchy, a frienderarchy. A pecking order, if you will.
Not only does it exist but frankly my dear... they just don't give enough of a damn about you to reply to that text you sent last week.
Don't try to deny it - you know it because you have a hierarchy of your very own. Yes, you do!
and... before you get too high and mighty, we are all guilty of being both the offender, and the offendee.
Everyone has those people in their lives who you always reply to as soon as they get in touch. They're the ones so close that they divulge secrets to you that you'd probably sooner not know, but who you love dearly regardless.
These are the people who you'd call in the middle of the night when something truly awful happens. They are at the top of the food chain. In your eyes, they are the cream of the crop, the shiniest stars in your sky.
Then you have the friends who you love, but who aren't QUITE as close to the inner workings of your crazy mind... who don't know every dark secret, but still know enough to incriminate you in a court of law.
You probably wouldn't call these friends in the middle of a crisis... but you would definitely speak to them the next day. They are your B plus students in the school of friendship.
The next tier probably don't know many of your secrets at all, but they're hellova fun on a night out... and so it goes on.
If you were at the top of the hierarchy, you'd know. We're just not honest about it and as a consequence, people get hurt when they realise that they aren't as high up as they thought they were.Or when they find out that the place that they sit in on your hierarchy, is lower than your position on theirs - You only rated them 3*** and they gave you the full 5***** Madonna treatment.
The other important thing to know, is that your position on the chain is not permanent. Some frienderarchies change every month. Others stay relatively static. However, it is possible to get knocked off the top spot and sometimes it's not immediately obvious that this has happened.
It's a tough lesson. There is a little part of you that never recovers from the fickle inequality of social standings.
It chews you up, spits you out and can definitely cause some permanent emotional scarring if you let it.
What it does teach you though, is hugely valuable - Don't take the real friends for granted and lose yourself in a sea of people who don't give you the 5 star rating you deserve.
Keep those friends close and tell them how much they mean to you...because life is short and we waste a lot of it trying to impress people who will never give as much as they take.
You are lucky to have people in your life who love you and you should cherish them always.
Alternatively... if you don't fancy cherishing your mates and you are in full on self destruct mode ready to throw your friendships on the proverbial bonfire, at least have the decency to do it on national television with a braying audience and a smug chat show host throwing insults at you. (Jeremy Kyle anyone?)
As the big man Jerry Springer himself used to say... "Look after yourselves... and each other."
Just to let you know I read this from start to finish - I hope this gets me higher up your frienderarchy ;-)
ReplyDeleteJamie Bannister!! You're already up there mate! Thank you very much. xx
ReplyDeleteMan, so much I could say to all this, and things I want to add and question... Though it would require at least a bottle of red each and a long night of discussionability! Damn you for not living just around the corner! :(
ReplyDeleteAwww Troy!! I miss you. I would soo enjoy some red wine and discussion with you. Xxx
ReplyDelete