Being yourself

Have you ever been watching something randomly and it just hit the nail on the head of how you were feeling at that exact moment?

I was watching "My so-called life" and Angela said something along the lines of this...

"people always talk about 'being yourself' like it's this solid thing you should always know how to be..."

and BAM! That's how i feel. How can i 'be myself' when i dont know who i am??

I have a tendency to over analyse myself. Why i acted a certain way, or felt a certain way as if i have no control over it. Sometimes, i feel like i'm watching myself do things and later on i look back, and i'm either pleased or angry at myself for how it went. I cringe at things that other people don't even give a second thought to.

This is an example of how messed up my reactions to things can be...

My friend tells me she thinks i'm not happy. Internally i start questioning myself...what if i just genuinely fluctuate between happy and sad? What if i'm abnormal and i don't have the capacity to regulate my emotions like normal human beings?

Then i took it to the next level of unhappy... i could think was "Am i making HER unhappy with my unhappiness? Am i now affecting her too??"

err... WHAT!!!

The point is that she was worried about me, and she expressed her concern... which i tunred round and started to worry about how that made her feel.

I need to address this tendency, as clearly it's already out of control.

It's a tricky situation... and not one there's a tangible answer for. Noone can flick a switch and make everything alright.

Is everyone else in the dark too? Fumbling around trying to make sense?

'Be yourself' is only easy if you know what that is. When you change or grow and develop... it might be slightly harder to 'be yourself' when you're not the way you were yesterday. It doesnt mean that it's impossible though. It just means you need to practice...

Practice being yourself and being true to yourself cos... as we all know too well... practice makes perfect.